Stuck in Limbo
by Nat15
Summary: Riley Matthews and Lucas Friar are best friends, but once upon a time they'd been more. With a sudden breakup staining their history and feelings neither of them can shake ruling their hearts, can they face the truth and work through their issues or will they forever be in stuck in limbo? (rated M for language... mostly)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N.:** **This idea came to me a couple of weeks ago and I just had to write it down. I had originally planned this to be a one-shot, but turns out (and this comes as no surprise) I got too excited with the story and, therefore, it got kinda long, reason why I'm turning it into a two-parter. I'd love to know your thoughts on this though, so please let me know what you think!** **Your opinions are deeply appreciated! Enjoy!**

"Riley? Riles, you there?"

Lucas walks into the dark, silent living room, confusion painting his features. He turns the lights on as his eyes scan the apartment, the place is completely empty. His mind instantly wanders back to the conversation he had with Riley over breakfast. They weren't on the best terms for the past couple of days, that was for sure, but she had promised him she'd make it tonight.

He steps aside letting Zay in, throwing his keys on the table when something catches his eye. Oh no, she didn't. Lucas can feel his jaw tighten as he reads the note, rolling his eyes at its unpleasant, though unsurprising, message. It doesn't go unnoticed by Zay.

"Let me guess… Jackass? He chuckles, walking over to the couch.

"What do you think?" The blonde bites out, rereading the note aloud "Out with Jack. Don't wait up. _Wink face_." Lucas features distort in disgust as he scrunches up the piece of paper and tosses it away.

He throws his gym bag on the floor by the sofa, a second before his body follows suit, falling exhausted on the familiar cushions "We need to stop calling him that, by the way." Lucas waits for his friend to protest, but when all he gets is a questioning look he sighs "I may have accidentally called him Jackass the other night. Riley was pissed." He waits a beat, smirking as his eyes return to Zay "I told her it was your idea."

"Of course you did, let Zay take the burn! Real friend you are." He says outraged, though failing to keep a straight face.

"It was me or you, man. And I'm the one who has to live with her."

" _Has to_?" Zay laughs dramatically "You say that as if you didn't like it."

"Anyway, I'd rather be on good terms with my roommate, thank you very much." Lucas ignores the knowing remark, trying to focus on anything but the fact he was being stood up by Riley. Again.

"It ain't my fault Riley has the worst taste in men." Zay shrugs "No offense."

"Non taken, I actually agree. I mean, look at us! She dated me when I was a problematic prick, all dark past and anger issues. I don't know why, it's like she has this pull to the broken ones. I guess Riley believes she can fix them."

"Well, sometimes she does. I mean, look at you!" He says matter-of-factly.

Zay was right, Lucas knew so. He never talks about it, not even with Riley, but he still recalls every last bit of it: the rage, heartbeat rising, blood boiling, muscles rigid, tunnel vision and the nothingness that followed. The darkness that'd overtake him on those few minutes his mind went blank and ultimately out of control, when he would see nothing, feel nothing and remember nothing but the sounds of his own mismatching breaths. He hadn't experienced that in a really long time… thanks to _her._

Lucas had tried fighting it on his own and failed more times than he could count, until one day he stopped, convinced it wasn't worth the struggle, accepting it as his 'nature'. Being transferred to New York had been the last straw, even his parents said so, and if he was honest, he'd been grateful. He wanted nothing more than for them to give up on him, for it gave Lucas one more reason to do so as well. At the end of the day, he was just a bad boy wannabe heading nowhere fast and everyone knew it.

 _But then there was Riley Matthews._

She would never give up on him. She made it clear from the start and now, ten years later, she was still Lucas greatest supporter and absolute best friend (just don't tell Zay that). Of course, once upon a time they'd been more. But that was a touchy subject, one Lucas didn't understand to this day and one Riley avoided like the plague. Which didn't really make sense, after all he was the dumpee, how could it possibly hurt her to talk about it more than it did him? He closes his eyes, shaking the thoughts away and trying to focus on whatever Zay was saying.

"… I still don't get you guys' breakup, to be honest."

"Look, it happened. We tried, it didn't work and we're past it. Riley and I are great together, just not… just not as a couple." He tries to sound nonchalant about it, doing his best to ignore both Zay's inquiring stare and the sour taste the words leave in his mouth.

"So you're telling me it doesn't bother you the slightest little bit that she's out with another guy right now." The thought sounded so ridiculous to Zay he doubted Lucas could believe it himself.

"Nope." He pops the 'p', shaking his head.

"Yeah ok." Zay laughs ironically.

"What? I'm serious. I'm over her!" He says unconvincingly.

"Sure you are, champ. Whatever helps you sleep at night, you know, when Riley is next door doing God knows what with Jack…" Lucas throws a cushion his way, which Zay dodges easily, an amused smile playing on his lips "So much for being over it, hum."

"Do you have a point?" The blonde exhales frustrated, running a hand through his sweaty hair.

"I do, I just don't think you wanna hear it." Lucas rises his brows impatiently, willing Zay to continue "Look, you've been best friends for a decade. You've freaking lived together for almost two years!"

"Yeah, well, you and Maya bailed on us!" He says defensively.

It was supposed to be the four of them. After sophomore year on NYU, the four friends agreed they'd had enough of living on Campus, deciding to rent an apartment. The girls would share a room, the guys would take the other, it wasn't big or fancy but it was near Campus and for a reasonable price. For six months it worked perfectly, until Josh got a raise on his job and moved to a new, bigger place. He and Maya had been dating since her freshman year, so when she started to spend every other night on his flat, Lucas, Riley and Zay had all known it was only a matter of time until she moved out of their apartment permanently, which she did by the end of junior year.

Still, there was Zay… that is until he decided his last year was to be spent on the hottest fraternity on Campus. How he managed to get in on his last year was still a mystery to Lucas, one he didn't mind not solving, too afraid to learn whatever Zay must have done get in. He'd rather not know entirely. By all means, the fact was that with Maya and Zay gone, Riley and Lucas had the apartment to themselves. They had considered looking for separate places, but came to the conclusion it would be not only more stressful but much more expensive, so they decided to stick to the plan, unlike their unreliable friends, and keep living together until graduation.

That decision was made ten months ago and during that time something they didn't think possible happened. _Riley and Lucas grew closer_. Lucas had expected, and feared even, that living alone with her would be awkward, you know, given their history. But it wasn't. If anything it was the polar opposite. He felt extremely comfortable around her, like he always had. If he was honest, Riley was the one thing that made that apartment truly feel like home… only she hadn't been around much, lately.

Since starting seeing Jack, over a month ago, Riley was never home anymore… for anything. Gone were their movie nights or cooking extravaganzas, oh no, nowadays he was lucky to catch her for ten minutes during breakfast. She was always studying with Jack or on a date with Jack or doing whatever other things with Jack Lucas would rather not know, let alone think about. He kept telling himself it was only a matter of time though. She'd break up with him. She always did.

"Excuses, excuses… just admit you're jealous and move on already." Zay's voice breaks his trail of thought "Or don't, fight for her if you will. Just do something to get out of this weird limbo you've been stuck in since you guys broke up."

"I'm not jealous, okay? _And there is no limbo_!" Lucas protests "I'm just worried. The guy is a douche and so were all the others. I don't get it! Why does she keep doing this?"

"I don't know, man. But it's been almost two months, it should end soon enough and then you'll have your precious Riley back."

 _The unspoken two-month-rule_. It seemed to be Riley's new norm, every relationship (if Lucas could even call them that) he had witnessed her get into for the past two and a half years hadn't made it to the third month. She had a pattern, a really strange, not-Riley-like, specific pattern and it took Lucas a while but he seemed to finally have it figured out. It was easy enough really, like a checklist. Get the stupidest asshole you can find, start seeing him nonstop for a couple of months and then end things, out of the blue, for no apparent reason. Oh yes, and never talk to your best friend slash roommate about it. Though the fact he was also her slash ex-boyfriend was probably a justifiable reason to keep the topic off limits.

"I just can't believe she bailed on me. Again! I talked to her this morning, she told me she had a class and wouldn't make it to the game and I get that, but she promised to go to the after party." His voice started to raise, an edge to his tone Zay didn't hear often "I mean, this is important! We're two months away from graduating, the season is almost over, these are my last games as quarterback! And she promised! I can't believe she lied to me!"

"Woah, Lucas, calm down." Zay held up his hand, wide eyes urging Lucas to stop, but the blonde barely noticed the shift on his friend's demeanor or the boy's clear discomfort, too absorbed on his own raging thoughts.

" _No!_ This is shit!" He yelled "He'll be gone in a matter of weeks and I'll still be here, I've always been here! I wish Riley would stop pushing me aside for whoever she elects jerk of the month. That's not fair. It's selfish and it's messed up."

The door shut loudly, echoing endlessly through the living room. Lucas blood runs cold as he swallows, watching Zay get up from the couch carefully.

"I, hum, I should probably go." His stare bouncing from Lucas to the person behind him and back again. The blonde didn't have to look to know who it was.

Thick silence fills the room as Zay rushes out of the apartment, the air heavy with tension, making it hard to breath. It's only once he hears the door close that Lucas hesitantly looks over his shoulder, dreading the unavoidable argument he knows awaits him. She's standing by the door, arms folded, her usually sweet chocolate orbs shooting daggers at him.

"I thought you were out with Jackas… Jack, tonight." Lucas says, surprised by how bitter his own voice sounds.

"Clearly." Riley chuckles sarcastically, rolling her eyes up as she fights her gathering tears.

"So you heard." He all but whispers, his mouth dry as her stare captures his again, cutting its way to his soul.

"Every word." Riley says through gritted teeth, storming to her room.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N.: this is the second and last chapter on this story! I hope you enjoy it!**

"Riley!" Lucas fist bangs at her bedroom's door, his underlying anger blending with some newfound desperation. He punches the piece of wood even harder, unable to think straight as he growls in fury " _Damn it, Riley, open the stupid door_!"

He's about ready to kick his way in when he notices it. _His heartbeats_. Lucas could feel them beating in his ears. His every muscle contracted at once, his breaths were heavy and uneven, his vision was blurry. This couldn't be happening. This was not who he was, not anymore.

With his head rested on his forearms, Lucas leans against her door, eyes closed and panting. Riley was the reason he'd found a way out of this darkness that once consumed him. Now here he was, holding her as the very target of his rage. He suddenly felt sick.

"Riley?" He calls, his voice much gentler this time "Riles, come on, I'm sorry. Please let me in. Just open the door."

 _Click._

His eyes shoot up at the sound; Lucas jumps away from the door, holding his breath. _She'd unlocked it_. When a couple seconds pass and nothing happens, Lucas turns the knob, slowly pushing the door open. Riley stands in the middle of the room, tear stained cheeks and red eyes, her lips a thin line.

"Jack and I broke up." She states bluntly.

"Riley, I'm…"

" _No,_ _stop_!" The brunette cuts him off, yelling "You're not sorry, don't lie to me."

"I'm not. I'm not lying to you, I _am_ sorry you're upset. But that guy is a moron, Riley, he doesn't deserve your tears."

"I'm not crying because of him." She says coldly.

Lucas blinks as the meaning of her words downs on him, knocking the air out of his lungs. He stutters, trying to regain his composure "Riles, I didn't, I didn't mean to…"

"I liked Jack, you know." She ignores him, interrupting apology attempt. The brunette starts pacing around the room, ranting more to herself than to Lucas "He was fun and… easy. Whatever we had, it wasn't going anywhere, but we both knew that. We had something and it was good while it lasted, but it ran its course and now it's over." She finally looks back at him, reaching the Texan in two big strides "That's how it's supposed to be. A clean break."

"What are you talking about?" He asks, shaking his head confused, their sudden close proximity making it hard for Lucas to focus.

"I thought we were friends, you and I. We're supposed to be there for each other, I should be able to trust you and lean on you and I thought I could."

"You can!" He claims desperately, but it doesn't even look like she's listening.

"Then one night I come home and you're yelling about what a selfish liar I am to your best friend!" She pushes him back angrily, turning her back to the blonde as she walks to the opposite side of the room.

"Riley, _you_ are my best friend!" He follows her "I was just frustrated, I didn't mean it!"

"Yeah? Cause you sounded pretty convincing." She looks back at him, an incredulous laugh escaping her lips.

"I wasn't mad at you, I was just… You said you'd be here! You said you'd go with me to the party tonight and then I read your note and…"

" _What note_?" She inquired, half confused half frustrated.

"What do you mean what note? The one saying you were out with Jack! You told me not to wait up, you even…"

"Lucas, I wrote you that note _yesterday_! And yes I was out with Jack, but last night, when he and I broke up."

Lucas closes his eyes, his head spinning as he hopelessly scans his brain for whatever memory he may have of the infamous note, but nothing comes to mind.

"I, I didn't… I must have missed it. I had practice and then the game coming up today, I was all over the place, my head just…" He mumbles, trying to make sense of the situation, when it finally hits him. He looks up at Riley; sorrow itched across his face "You weren't going to stand me up tonight, were you?"

"Of course not. I promised you I'd go." She whispered

"I'm so stupid." He mutters underneath his breath "Riles, please, I'm really really sorry." He reaches for the brunette, but Riley removes his hands from her arms, her gaze locked on his.

"You don't get to do this, you know. You don't get to say all those terrible things and yell at me and expect everything to be okay just cause you're sorry."

"I know." Lucas can barely hear his own voice.

" _No, you don't! You don't know anything!"_ Riley practically shouts, throwing her hands up exasperated "You have no idea! I've spent the past three years trying to get over you and you won't let me! I was doing fine after we broke up, I was finding myself and we were friends again and then we moved in together and a second later I'm back to being stupidly in love with you."

Lucas breath catches on his throat at the sound of her words. Riley's eyes widen as her own confession settles in. She takes a deep breath and sits on her bed, waiting in silence until Lucas joins her, her voice much calmer as she continues.

"I was okay being your friend at a safe distance, but suddenly you're there when I wake up and when I go to sleep and every moment in between and I… I fell for you all over again." Riley sighs. She had kept these things a secret for so long, too afraid and far too embarrassed to share them with Lucas… now there was no going back.

"But all those guys…" He inches closer, trying to put the pieces together.

"I needed the space, I needed something, well someone, to hold on to. Someone beyond these walls, someone who wasn't you. I needed not to be here, with you, twenty four seven. I needed that and…" She plays with a loose thread on the blanket, avoiding Lucas's stare.

"And?" He wills her to continue, his hand resting on her knee.

"And you judged me." The touch brought Riley back from her reverie, reminding the brunette of the reason they were even having that conversation in the first place "Every time I found someone new you judge me." She jerks away from him, getting up so she can create some much needed distance between them.

"Because you kept making the same mistakes!" The blonde defends himself "You kept wasting your time, jumping from one asshole to the next and I don't get it, Riley! _I can't stand it_! You deserve so much better than that, how can you not see it? You deserve more than just fun and easy, you deserve someone who will love you and put you first! You deserve…" He gets up, stepping closer, but Riley puts a hand to his chest, keeping the Texan at arm's length.

"What? You? I thought so too, Lucas." Her voice drips with hurt as Riley removes her hand, her skin tingling from their touch "Until we got into college and everything changed. Until we started never seeing each other because you always had a study session or a football practice or extra hours at the anatomy lab." She holds herself, pointlessly seeking comfort "I didn't come first, Lucas. You were the center of my universe, but I wasn't even part of yours."

"So you're saying it's _my_ fault we broke up?" His shoulders slump, the mere thought felt like a stab to the heart.

"No." She stares at her feet, struggling to gather her thoughts under the weight of Lucas expectant eyes "I was hurt by being left behind, but then I realized… I was the one who gave up running. I held on to you for dear life while you went out there and got things done. You became quarterback and top of your class and I would never resent you for that. All I could do was let you go and try to find my own way. I did it for me."

"You should have told me, we could have worked it out. You left me completely in the dark, Riley! _I had no idea you were feeling like that_!"

The blonde ran a hand through his hair, mixed emotions flooding him. He wanted to cry and scream and punch something all at once. But Lucas did none, all of his strength vanishing as Riley looks up, a single tear rolling down her face.

"I know... That hurt the most."

 **\- x -**

Lucas didn't get a minute's worth of sleep that night. He left her room completely numb, unsure what to think, let alone what to feel. But out of all the emotions he experienced, the one he understood was fear. As he tossed and turned on bed all night, Riley's words punching him awake every few seconds, Lucas was terrified to wonder what that evening's events meant for the two of them.

He wakes up to the sun rising the next morning. Checking his phone for the time, he's met with a thousand missed called and messages from Zay and a few of his other teammates. He simply tosses the phone back on the nightstand. He gets up, not bothering to shower or change, his legs dragging to the kitchen. A few minutes later Lucas finds himself sitting alone at their small dining table, head buried in his hands, two mugs of coffee sitting before him.

"Good morning." His head snaps at the sound of her voice. He looks up to find Riley still in her pajamas, smiling faintly at him. She walks over to the table, taking the seat next to Lucas.

"Morning." He says weakly, pushing one of the mugs in front of her "I made us coffee."

"Thanks." Both her hands circle the cup as she stares down at the dark liquid "I'm sorry about last night."

"Me too." He rolls his head forward, ashamed as the memories flash back through his mind.

"I never meant to blame you for our breakup, even though that's probably how it sounded. But please know that I don't hold you responsible for anything. We grew apart, that's all. It was nobody's fault." Her voice is kind and comforting, but it doesn't ease the weight upon his chest.

"I wish you would have told me how you felt." Lucas admits, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I guess I wanted you to see it yourself."

"Yeah and I should have. I was so busy trying to juggle everything and since you were there for me through it all, I guess I thought you'd always be. I'm sorry I took you for granted." Lucas looks down defeated. It killed him to know he had been the cause behind Riley's suffering.

"That's okay." Her hand reaches for his chin, bringing Lucas's stare back to hers, an understanding smile waiting for him "I was the one who made you my whole world. When you were suddenly not in the picture anymore it was like I ceased to exist. We'd been Riley and Lucas for so long, I had to discover how it felt like to just be Riley again." He nods, drumming his fingertips nervously on the table.

"I understand. And I'm truly sorry for all the stupid things I said last night. I was upset, but that was completely out of line. And I never meant to judge you either. I was just trying to look out for…" He trails off as Riley's hand covered his.

"I know."

She feels Lucas turn his palm up slowly, green eyes watching, waiting for her next move. Riley chuckles shyly, intertwining their fingers, smiling amused as a grin overtake his lips. It only lasts a few seconds though. As another thought crosses his mind, Lucas frowns, still staring at their joined hands.

"I do have to ask though… why?"

"Why what?"

"Why those jerks? I mean, I get that you were trying to, hum… _move on_. But any guy would be lucky to be with you, Riles. Why did you have to choose the worst ones?" It's painful to think back on all the morons Riley had dated, to imagine them kissing or holding her, but he has to know why she'd settle for so little. It doesn't make any sense to him.

"Because they were safe" She replies easily, like that was the obvious conclusion "I never had to worry about falling too deep or getting too attached." She looks down, examining the way Lucas caressed the back of her hand with his thumb.

"Well did it work?" He swallows, afraid the answer will kill him, but fearing he can no longer live without it. When Riley shoots him a questioning look Lucas knows he will have to explain, even if asking this question is the scariest thing he's ever done in his life "You said you wanted to move on... _from me_. So did you?" She doesn't say a word. Riley doesn't even blink as she stares back at him. The seconds tick by and when the silence and waiting become unbearable, he leans over the table, emerald eyes piercing into brown ones "Riley, are you over us?"

"Why are you asking me that?" Her voice is hoarse with emotion, her eyes glassy with tears.

" _Because I love you_." Lucas leaves his seat, still holding her hand as he kneels before her, his voice certain and his eyes filled with honesty "Because I'm not over you and I could never be. Because I haven't moved on and I don't want to. When we broke up it broke me, Riley. It broke my heart and I put the pieces together as best as I could, but it hasn't worked ever since. And I have a feeling you're the only one who can fix it."

She scans every inch of his face, looking for any signs of doubt, any red flags warning this was a mistake. Riley wanted nothing more than to be with him, but was it worth risking losing herself again? Could she survive another heartbreak if it came to it? _Are you worth it?_ She could hear her younger self yelling in her head. Finally, she took a deep breath.

"No." Lucas heart sinks to his stomach, his mouth agape as he lets go of her hand. Still, Riley smiled down at him. How could she find such joy in his misery? Was this her revenge? Was she _trying_ to hurt him? She rests her hands on his neck, sliding them up to either side of his face "The answer to your question is no. I haven't moved on. I _love_ you, Lucas Friar. I never stopped." A heartbeat later her lips crash onto his.

It takes Lucas's brain a whole two seconds to register her confession. _She loves him_. Riley Matthews loves him back. Relief washes over him as Lucas relishes on the taste of Riley's lips. Kissing her felt like coming home.

Riley gasps as she feels Lucas's muscular arms surround her, he kisses her back with such hunger it sends her head spinning. His grip tightens around her petite frame as Lucas pulls them both to their feet, holding her impossibly close. With their eyes shut and senses alert as ever, Riley and Lucas take their time rediscovering each other, Lucas hands roaming the curves he'd once known by heart, while Riley explores his mouth, both trying to savor every last part of this one perfect moment.

They'd been stuck in limbo for so long, but this… _this was heaven._


End file.
